The Music in Me

You know those moments when you are the only one home and you turn your music up all the way and sing along? I practically live for those :). Lately, I've been talking a lot about how I'm not the person I used to be; well that's true. To tell you the truth, the past two years have really changed me, inside and out. Changed the way I think, the way I feel, the music I listen to, the way I act, and the things I write. When this all started I thought this was all a curse, but after everything, I think it has really helped me change for the better. I've grown up a lot. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy the simple things in life; but I am more cautious. The only time I am really able to enjoy the old me is those moments when I'm singing at the top of my voice to Three Days Grace, Falling in Reverse, or Evanescence. I don't have to worry about the way other people see me. When I hear music, when I sing, when I play... I let everything go. Nothing else in the world matters. Because nothing else it there. I was forced to leave Symphony this year because of health problems, and I really miss it. It was the one time a day where I didn't have to worry about answering questions or stupid exams I could just play and enjoy it. I really miss that. Sometimes when no one is home I'll get my cello out and play, just to have something back to normal. Idk. Without music, I think my life would end... seriously. Music and writing are everything to me. They are the only ways I can express how I feel. The main character in my novel also plays... and there is a part where she is playing in a concert and she can feel the music flowing through her into her bow and out into the audience. That's exactly how it used to be for me. I miss it, but maybe there is a reason for me not playing. Maybe there is something else that I need be doing. I want to show the world that I'm better... side note- I spent a lot of last year, and still am afraid of my past. but someone recently told me that it's because of the past that we are who we are today, it's nothing to be ashamed of. That is why I still want to share with the world the music in me; hopefully someone will think it's something worthwhile.