Scared of Time

So much has happened in the last couple of months. Sometimes i wish i could talk to people, sometimes i wish i could take it all back. I cry myself to sleep every night, hoping that things will get better. Sometimes i see a glimpse of happiness, but then something happens to take it all away. I don't want to be the way i am, but i don't know how to change. I miss doing things with people i care about, i hate having secrets and the thing i hate most of all is not being able to tell the people i care most about. Things have gotten so hard, and sometimes i just want to give up. In my darkest times i turn to my friends for help and support.... I've been blessed with a select few that will always be there to help me no matter what. Something I'm struggling with the most right now is my faith. If you read my older posts you'll think that I'm spiritual and have a strong testimony. Things in the latter part of last year have somewhat changed that. I don't know who i am in the church anymore... sometimes i don't want to be there at all. But growing up in it, that's all i know. its not that i hate the church or the people there, its just that i don't think i belong anymore. Is that such a bad thing? I'm scared of what's to come in the future....