falling

I don't want to keep running, i don't want to stay scared of my past. But no matter how far i go to forget it, it keeps coming back. I really don't want to go back to the person that i was, and i hope i never do. However, when things come up like they have in the last couple days there is nothing i can do. I hate what some people made me, they need to understand that that girl is gone, and she is never coming back. I just wish that those same people didn't have such control over my life... why do i listen to what they say when i know its nothing but lies? why am i so quick to believe what they say... they judge me and tell me I'm nothing. when they do they make me feel like the smallest grain of sand. Insignificant and useless, but that's not me! then why when they talk to me to i hear every word they say and make it hard to believe the words of the people that really care. why is it so much easier to fall down to their level then to rise above them and live my life. I don't want to hurt anymore, if there was a way to change i would in a heartbeat.