Devil's fire

Sometimes I don't understand the reasons for the way I feel. It just happens. Like today, I feel down, and I can't explain why. Brenton has been trying his best to raise my spirits and make me happy, but nothing seems to be working. What is wrong with me? Is there something inside me that just prevents me from feeling happiness? Is there something inside that causes all this pain? Sitting here.. I look around at my College English class and wonder "how many of these seniors are like me?" How many of them feel the heat of the devils fire? Can they see inside of my soul, know what I know? Is there something, someone out there that can stop this numb from spreading deep inside? I want to feel love, hate, happiness, and desire.

Choices

So I've decided to chose a few select subjects to write about... just to give my opinion. Idk, maybe I'll find a few things out about myself along the way. My first subject is agency. "Agency is essential in the plan of salvation. Without it, you would not be able to learn or progress or follow the Savior. With it, you are 'free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil'(2 Nephi 2:27)". I believe that without agency, we wouldn't be able to make the mistakes that make us who we are. Without agency, we would all just be zombies roaming the streets; mindless to the world around us. It is agency that lets us learn how to become better people, people that can stand up for who we are; who can face our past and live to face each new day. I for one am happy that I chose to live a life of choice, I know I've made mistakes but with agency I have been given a chance for forgiveness. Christ gave me this life. All I need to do is make a choice.

Someday

Someday I'll leave everything behind
find the land in my mind
Watch the birds fly
High in the sky
Run over each grain of sand
feel the grass beneath my hand

Someday I'll runaway from here
someday I'll disappear
Be the focus of the magic trick
to any far of land-
take your pick

Wont have to worry all day
Instead I'll sleep my cares away
Sleep under the stars in the sky
Watch a falling star fly by

One day this could all be real
no need for a devil's deal
I'll work hard for my pay
and maybe someday
someday I'll find peace
Find a new lease-
on life

New People

Making friends is really hard for me. Especially after everything that's happened this past year. I just don't trust as much as I used to. I've lost a lot of good friends, and I'm scared that it will happen again. So when a friend of my suggested I go dance with a friend of hers I was a little more than scared. First, I'm not that good at swing to begin with. I've only been like maybe 3 times max? Then she's like, "you're gonna really like this guy!" Oh gosh... even more for me to be nervous about. So side note- the last person I was introduced to broke my heart; he was like a big brother to me. We used to talk for hours, and when he went on his mission I would write him. But when he got back, things changed. And I lost the best friend I'd ever had. So you can see why I was a little scared. I danced with him, and it was wicked fun :). We've been talking ever since. I'm slowly learning to get over my fear of trusting new people.